Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Anxiety

There is a nice scene in one of Wodehouse's books which I am reminded of, but I can't find a reference to it on the web. Bertie Wooster is getting ready for a date and he is feeling rather anxious and flustered and he has a conversation with his butler, Jeeves.

BERTIE: Is there any spinach stuck between my teeth?

JEEVES: Have you eaten spinach today?

BERTIE: No, I just thought it appears like crop circles.

I hear Jeeves’s voice as the maître de in the original TV series of Hitchhiker. Finding the proper quote would be a good excuse to read all of Wodehouse’s books, but not today – I have important things to do.

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Three Posts Around Acting

I have a bad habit of drafting posts and then never putting them up. This is a long one, which started as three posts but have similar themes, through written rather badly. They focus on Snatches, two nights of short plays and Candle Ends, a four night festival of word performance held at Brunswick Arts. Though I have split it up into further parts.



Part 1.1: Initial Thoughts.

D and I were watching Glee and at the end D said ‘How weird’. But I thought that that episode wasn’t all that weird. There was a story which had themes and ideas which provoke thought. The characters had to sing a song that described them, yet they sang songs about others, their fathers, their partners, which led me to think that we define ourselves by our relationships. I am A’s son. B’s Partner. C’s dad. This means that when you are in a relationship you can feel more culturally acceptable, when you are not in a relationship you can feel on the outer fringes of society.



Part 1.2: Snatches.

The 11th year of Snatches has just finished and I enjoyed it. I entered thinking I would just do one thing but then fell into a few. On Wednesday I performed in ‘I am a Mac’, ‘Celebrity Lover’, ‘Form and Substance’ and ‘Bonding’. On Friday I performed in ‘Seven Jewish Children’, and re-performed ‘I am a Mac’ and ‘Bonding’.

But I had more fun than some other nights and I think it is partly because I felt that I acted better. ‘Bonding’ on the Friday was so much fun, and to hear the laughter was beautiful. Afterwards I had a great time talking to everyone over a few drinks. I shall miss C and M when they go overseas. I will have to try and visit them.

I liked the performances of ‘Poem’ and ‘Did You Ever Stay Curled in a Ball’ on Wednesday and ‘Tell Them I Said Something’ and ‘Bucket’ on Friday.

I didn’t realise until I arrived at the theatre on Friday that Jack and I were going to do ‘Bonding’ again, and I started stressing. I hadn’t read the script for a couple of days, so I had to read the script a few times backstage whilst busily biting my nails off. The play before us was ‘Tell Them I Said Something’ (TTISS), and I had no idea how long it would go for and as I stood watching going through my lines and actions in my head I became immensely engrossed in the play. I was laughing and totally forgot my worries and that I was going on staged. I loved TTISS.



Part 2.1: Rehearsing for ‘Salome’ - Death

Every picture has a thousand words. Pictures and words, words and pictures. Pictures invoke words and words invoke pictures. Rehearsing ‘Salome’ I am being haunted by a picture. My lines are:

Jokanaan: Get thee behind me! I hear in the palace the beatings of the wings of the angel of death.

Herod: There is an icy wind, and I hear … wherefore do I hear in the air this beating of wings? Ah! One might fancy a bird, a huge black bird that hovers over the terrace. Why can I not see it, this bird? The beat of its wings is terrible. The breath of the wind of its wings is terrible. It is a chill wind.

Herod: I tell you there is a wind that blows … And I hear in the air something that is like the beating of wings, like the beating of vast wings. Do you not hear it?

And these passages make me think of the scenes in the comic Sandman the episode called “The Sound of Her Wings”, Death and her brother feeding pigeons.

I like Neil Gaiman’s death, she is happy and through the stories I think that she is portrayed as more than death, but the circle of life, or the wheel of reincarnation. Of cause Terry Pratchett has a great death as well. I have to get these images out of my head or I will start smiling when I say ‘the sound of the wings of the Angle of death’.

NOTE: ‘Poisoning Pigeons in the Park’ is a song by Tom Lehrer



Part 3.1: After Candle Ends Driving North

Sitting at Wallan Wallan thinking… Sometimes I just want to drive on for ever, through Wodonga, Yass, Sydney, Brisbane, for ever travelling. A journey of healing, thinking, singing corny songs, only stopping to read, sleep and drink.

I’ve seen a bit of theatre lately, or through Candle Ends and it makes you think. Or you chose to think.



Part 3.2: First Date – A Physical Theatre performance by Penny.

Penny’s (from ‘Born in a Taxi’) performance, her facial expressions and her physical struggle to pull words out of her mouth, made me think that ‘yes that is exactly how uncomfortable and difficult interpersonal interactions’ can be. And this month has been difficult for me. At the moment I would love to hide. And in a way that might be what I am doing here.



Part 3.3: Edward Albee’s ‘Zoo Story’

Colin was wonderful as Jerry in Albee’s ‘Zoo Story’, which also spoke about interactions. It was a wonderful performance, both funny and thought provoking. Colin was wonderfully believable as a man down on his luck and had us as the audience in the palm of his hand. Though I have seen it five times I am finding it difficult to recall my thoughts and can only recall the interesting line “I’ll try to kill him with kindness, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll just kill him”.

But I do remember thinking that we show love and interact with others using a whole range of emotions, love, hate and indifference. “But if such a loss, can be called a gain” and that it is partially through our interactions we define our selves. “With a cockroach, with a carpet, with god … and perhaps one day with a human.”

I have really enjoyed my time with M,M,A,T,E,C,et al, but I have not interacted that much. I have not been ready, but I think of them as great friendly people.



Part 3.4: Thoughts

“You cant say ‘A dog I know’ without sounding suss” – from ‘Zoo Story’ by Edward Albee

“To espresso or to Latte, that is the Question, whether ‘tis tastier on the palette to choose white mocha over plain, or take a cup to go, or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice end one’s heartache, to froth, to sprinkle, perchance to drink.” – from ‘Something Rotten’ by Jasper Fforde

Lady Jumping Flea who sings bittersweetly, Ali G, whose audience participation was hilarious and so very clever. Poems from M and M,

I think I may be tired.

“Perchance to dream” – from ‘Hamlet’ by Shakespeare

“I’ve been to the zoo.” – from ‘Zoo Story’ by Edward Albee

Must get a copy of A’s lizard-chicken story

Talking with Peter and Erin, I love Erin’s I believe poem: “I believe in too much coffee and books, both to be shard with friends, unexpected guests.”

I’ve run out of three pens writing this.

I’m beginning doubt my acting ability. I’ve always known that I’m not brilliant. But lately I’ve been stuffing up too much in a variety of ways. I thought that Bonding was great and thought that I might have rediscovered something. But I thought that something went wrong with Salome and LLareggub, which is a shame as they are two of the most beautiful bits of poetry I have acted in. To perform, do I need to find a story that fits me, or do I need to change to fit a story? I wonder where I can take acting workshops.

My coffee is almost finished. I have to think about hitting the road again. It’s interesting driving under these conditions. The sky is misty with light spitting rain. Everything is ever so dark. If there is a car ahead you use their tail lights to read the road and if not you stick to the side, your headlights following the curves of the road. Mo moon and stars to light the way, cars either overtake or sit behind you, using you as their guide.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

The Inner Workings

People are interesting things. The way they work internally, and the way that they get a long with other people.

I suffer from a slight condition where my body does not create all the necessary chemicals to survive. So I need to get some particular medication every three months. If I do not have it on time, I feel depressed, demotivated, weak, and insecure. At these times the slightest comment from some one else can make me feel horrible.

I am running a bit late and well work is rather horrible at the moment. Work is stressful. The boss has just left for five weeks of holiday - giving us three days warning, and I hear has been complaining about us in meetings, two colleagues are at each others’ throats, and another colleague seems to be avoiding me, when in the past I would have thought that we were friends. I need to sit and have lunch with them to cheer myself up, but they disappear.

Every one seems to like the fact that I work here, like my jokes, use my knowledge when they need help, like how I say good morning to them. They all say that work would be “up s creek” without me. However no one wants to sit down with me once or twice a week and have a cup of coffee.

Which is frankly making me feel a bit ill and very upset.

I’ve applied for another job, and I sort of don’t want it, but when I’m in this mood, I just don’t know. I think that they wont miss me.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Head Space

I’m not in a good head space this day, this week, this month. I’m not coping. I’ve got too much on. I am organising a kids’ play, stage managing another play and trying to improve my health and fitness. Trying to teach dad how to write an essay. Listening to everyone’s problems. I have a pile of books to read, but no time. In addition work is being ‘interesting’, and I’m not sure if I’ve done the ethical thing. I thought that it was the ethical thing when I did it, but in hindsight maybe not. And one of my colleagues seems to have stopped talking to me and is avoiding me. And I’ve gone and let someone annoy me, and this has really really really effected me. Last time this happened I stopped going to the Last Tuesday Society and became a bit of a hermit. I need a high quality hot chocolate (I think the caffeine in coffee is making me worse) and a Good Chat with my Good Friends, and perhaps I also need to get lost in a good book.

I don’t want to give up the plays, because it makes me feel saner when I am involved in plays, and I don’t want to let any one down. My name is Andrew and I'm a doormat. I don’t want to stop my exercise routine because my osteoporosis has improved by about 12% which is, to quote my specialist, ‘bloody fantastic’. She said that in two more years I should be able to stop taking osteoporosis medicine (technically it is not osteoporosis, just the same symptoms – ie pretty shocking bones). A 4% improvement is on the good side of average, and the large change the specialist put down to me exercising.

What can I do?
- I’ve told Julian and Chantell that I’m not feeling 100% at this moment in time, and other important people will read this.
- I’ll either visit Chantell this weekend or go on a reading and coffee drive through Victoria, I might go Geohashing (Yes I did spell that correct) or retro-Geohashing.
- I’ll ask the director if I can always leave early on Monday nights, that way hopefully the rest of my week won’t feel as bad.
- I want to blog every day in November, but that might give me too much stress, so it might be a photo a day, or a quote and I won’t worry if I miss a day. I won’t officially join NaBloPoMo.
- I will eat less biscuits and chocolate and drink less coffee.
- I will eat more fruit, drink more water and remember to have dinner.
- I will clean my car.
- I will put on rubber gloves and search the peke for fleas (If I have time).

And to make matters worse, I don’t think that I can trust my doctor: all of her patients are sick.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Melbourne Marathon

The Melbourne Marathon is in October and there is a 10km option which I was hoping to enter, however it seems like I cant because of some prescription medication which I am on. This is making me a bit sad.

Monday, 4 May 2009

Being Human

What does being human mean?



I’ve been having fun rehearsing and acting in a play. In the play I am off stage a lot and so I talk to the actors and the crew.

I have been having fun chatting to L, and then on Saturday I was given a Chrysanthemum. It was nicely placed on my bag. A thousand emotions ran through me. Actually a thousand emotions have been running through me a bit lately, but it is funny how a lovely gesture can multiply them by a thousand. If our ages were a bit different, I would swoop her off her feet.



I think that was the first flower that I've ever been given.

(Have I used enough clichés today?)





Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Sleepy

I am so very, very, very sleepy. I dont know what to do.


I am also sneezy and dopey but that is another story.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

University and Blogging

Hi people,

It is funny what people become scared of. For the program I'm doing at uni, we have to blog on a group blog out there in the big wild blogosphere. I find that more scary than a lot of things, spiders for example. To make things worse it will also automatically link to this blog and everyone will see that I have been rather pathetic at posting here. I think I need a new reservation....

SFX: Drumroll

I will post something every Friday(ish) and will get my nerves out of my silly system.

Cheers,
Andrew

Monday, 25 February 2008

Work, Work and a bit of Nonsense

Work can be a funny thing. Especially with funny people around.

Today I was told off by Patricia, which did not make me feel good.

At work I have two jobs, I’m supposed to do one on Mon-Thurs and the other job on Friday. However with training a new boss, having one member of the team badly injured and all the deadlines in this month and the next coming quickly I find that I am doing bits of the Friday job on Mon-Thurs.

Anyway on Friday I had to finish something for the Thurs job so I did. Then on Monday I was told off for not concentrating on the Friday job on Friday. Grrrr.

Anyway must look on the bright side.

Nothing is better than a Rolls Royce
My bicycle is better than nothing.
Therefore my bicycle is better than a Rolls Royce


A syllogism is a kind of logical argument in which one conclusion is inferred from two premises.
Major premise: All humans are mortal.
Minor premise: Socrates is human.
Conclusion: Socrates is mortal.

I like my bike syllogism as it assumes that nothing has only one meaning when in fact it has many.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Hears to you and hears to me...

Love is a funny word.

And it is funny who we love. Our partners, our families, our coleagues, our pets and our friends.

And when your friends are sad it makes you sad and tears are welling up. You want to make things happy again but you know that sometimes whistling "Always look on the Bright side of Life" doesn't work. All you can say is I'm here for you and then be there if your needed.

I know that all my friends dont read this but I am here. I have a car and/or money for a taxi, train, plane and all I need is a whistle (please not too subtle - I am male). Quote Asterix if you like "wgsftl" or King Arthur "I'm all alone" and I'll be there beside you.

To Sorento, StAlbans, Canberra, Shepparton, Rosanna, Greensborough, Brunswick, GlenWaverly, Sydney, Cheltenham, Melbourne, Oakleigh, Clayton, Healesville, to the back of Bourke and beyond.

I dont think we say it often enough and sometimes it gets diluted.

I love you all,

Andrew




TO: A, A, B, C, D, D, E, E, E, F, G, H, H, H, I, J, K, L, L, L, M, M, M, M, N, O, P, R, S, S, T, T, U, V, W, W, X and Y

Title from Les Miserables

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Depression

Hi people,

I have been working on Thursdays for about three months in a job where the other person who works on the other days leaves on maternity leaves tomorrow. I applied for the position for when she was on leave.

I was told today that they wanted to job share the position. I heard a rumour that this was the case and I convinced myself that I would get the majority of the position, especially as I already know next to everything.

I got one day a week.

I feel dreadful,

Your depressed and dispirited friend,

Andrew.