White Walls

Art Galleries look so sad when they are empty.

My friend E runs an art gallery and wants to have an exhibition of different modes of performance, and she asked me to perform a small piece or two. I said yes, and promptly went to the art gallery yesterday to have a look at the space.

The previous exhibition had just been removed and the entire walls were just covered in white paint. It was so sad. I wanted to get a bucket of paint and just through it all over the room. Then I started thinking, it is not sadness, more intrepidly waiting for something to happen.

Whilst my two monologues wont colour the walls physically, hopefully they will paint pictures in the minds of the audience. And the other artists/performers will throw light, colour, bednobs and broomsticks around the gallery.

There was a Redback on the Toilet Seat

There was a redback on the toilet seat,
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
I jumped up high into the air,
And when I hit the ground.
That crafty redback spider,
Wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed into the mrs,
Told her just where I'd been bit.
And she grabbed my cutthroat razor,
And I nearly took a fit.
I said 'Forget what's on your mind,
And call a doctor please.
For I've got a feeling that your cure,
Is worse than the disease.'

There was a redback on the toilet seat,
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight.
And I curse the redback spider,
On the toilet seat last night.

I can't lie down, I cant' sit up I don't know what to do.
The nurses think it's funny but that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrasing and that's to say the least,
For I'm too sick to eat a bite,
While the spider had a feast.

And when I get back home again, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll make that Redback suffer for the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles, I'm looking like a siv.
I promise you that redback hasn't very long to live.

There was a redback on the toilet seat,
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight.
And I curse the redback spider,
On the toilet seat last night.

Traditional Australian Song - Redback on the toilet seat - by Ralph Ernest 'Slim' Newton 1971

- Outofthemindsofandrews, educating others since 1981

Coffee

Caught up with Henry and Huw today, the three musketeers - they never called us. Beautiful food at Greek Cafe. Dips and chips and chocolate. Corner of Lonsdale and Russel. The coffee fresh and fragent. The smell of eucalyptus sented rain gently wafting through the doors. Passers by skipping in puddles and passengers singing in trams. Who could ask for anything more than good friends, food and drink.

Warning Dr Smith... Warning...

We interupt your regular program to bring you the following ground breaking story:

Eoin Colfer (who wrote the Artemis Fowl books) is writing the sixth Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Book, which is the brainchild of Douglas Adams (a hoopy frood).

I learnt this reading a Jasper Fforde website...

Article in the Guardian (UK paper)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/17/douglasadams

This was Kermit the Frog reporting

Tuesday

Happy Equinox to all.

Spring has sprung the grass is wiz
I wonder where the birdies is
People say the bird is on the wing
But thats absurd
The wing of cause is on the bird

Under Milk Wood

I have been busy rehearsing for "Under Milk Wood" or as I like to call it "Llareggub". Some of the words and sentences are terrific.


Willy Nilly the postman downs his last bucket of black brackish tea and rumbles out bandy to the clucking back where the hens twitch and grieve for their tea-soaked sops.

Last Weekend

I’ve had an awesome weekend.

Thursday:
Afternoon tea at work. Just sat and chatted for about an hour eating lamingtons and cake and drinking coffee. Talking about travelling to Kalgoorlie and exercising and other stuff.

Friday:
Slept in. Turned 27 years young. Drove my little brother, David, to a 21st party and picked him up at midnight. Sang “Always look on the bright side of life” about twenty five times in the car as little brother is trying to learn the words.

Happy Birthday to David’s friend who kindly offered to send some birthday cake to me. David however said "No". Should have not picked him up.

Saturday:
I met up with Stace who shouted me Pancakes and bought me a great book. I had a great time catching up with Stace, wondering/walking around aimlessly (and aimfully) and talking about everything. The only thing that was missing was a game of Trivial Pursuit. I then shouted Stace to a hot chocolate at Koko Black which was fantastic (picture to follow).

Stace does not know what an affogato is! How could anyone be so poorly educated? Next time I will show her.

http://www.kokoblack.com/

Then it was off to rehearsals for Dylan Thomas’s Llareggub. There are a bunch of excellent people/actors/characters in Llareggub. I sat down and chatted to everyone and Julian serenaded me with “Happy Birthday”.

Dinner at “Lentil as Anything” (the original one in St Kilda) which was amazing. The food was so beautiful. Lentil as Anything is a vegetarian restaurant where you pay only what you think the food deserves. If you love vegie food I strongly recommend it. However if you like silver tableware and tablecloths do not go. I’m told that the food is better at the St Kilda one than the other two in Melbourne.

Went to Akland Street, St Kilda, where we found a cake-shop and had cake and coffee – I have been extreamly spoilt.

Sunday:
Morning tea at Dad’s house with Dad and Step-mom - Fathers Day here in Australia. Dinner at Gran’s with Lynne and Caitlyn and Mum and Gran and George and David. Gran made a lovely soup and her chocolate cake was wonderful – heaps better than the one on Saturday.

Now I’m going to join a gym to burn off all of the cakes, lamingtons, slices, pancakes and coffee.